Light the way

Releasing Control

What do you do when a seemingly impassible road lays before you? You don’t see how you could ever make it through. Too many unknowns and broken dreams wait with each step. The planned future melts away leaving insecurity and vulnerability and absolutely no feeling of control. I faced many such paths in my journey with cancer.

But, through many years and down many roads, my heavenly father taught my stubborn heart to trust the unseen more than the seen. He taught me that any control I ever thought I had over the outcome of any situation was as illusory as smoke. He taught me to trust in His goodness, His sovereignty–to let go of my myopic view of life and embrace the richness and fullness that lay waiting in His arms. Terror and refusal turned to peace and joyful abandon as He lights each step of my journey.
I wrote a song on Monday not knowing it was meant for my friend on Wednesday. Jennifer has battled through treatment for her cancer over the last several months. Her positive attitude and faith inspire all around her including nurses, other patients, family and friends. But, as I sat in her isolation room in the hospital dressed in a blue plastic gown and gloves as to not disrupt her fragile immune system, she shared that she did not want to cry anymore, she just wanted for her life to go back to normal. She shared uncertainty about her bone marrow transplant waiting for her the next day. Will it take? Will my body reject it? Will this be the end or a new beginning? And even if it is a new beginning, will it lead down a path I want to go?

At that moment, I know this song was for her. I ran down to my car to get the rough copy of my song and came back to sing for her. With tears in her eyes she said, “That’s it. That’s how I feel. That’s what I needed to hear.”

Before I left, she asked if I could record it for her so she could listen while she received her transplant the next day.  The perfectionist in me wants to wait to share my creations until they are perfect but, sometimes God calls us to step out in faith and let Him use us how He wills. A more professional recording will come but, for now, I pray that this song encourages you on your journey to new life, Jennifer. Step into the light. Release.

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:2-3

 

Release (Lyrics)

I don’t wanna go
I don’t wanna go
I refuse this road

Why’s it gotta take
Why’s it gotta take
All my dreams away

Can’t I just stay
Can’t I just stay
I don’t wanna change

Doesn’t this mean
Doesn’t this mean
My end, my fall

Chorus:
I fall into you
You say it’s not all through
I can rest in you
Even when I can not see
Though I’m Scared it’s true
You carry me right through
So I release control
From my tired, weary soul

Verse 2:
Show me where to go
Show me where to go
Lead me down this road

Maybe you’ll take
Maybe you’ll take
All my fears away

I will not stay
I will not stay
I’ll press into you

I’ll step into the light
Step into the light
Watch the darkness fade.

Chorus 2:
I’ll press into you
The light of hope breaks through
I can rest in you
Even when I cannot see
Though I’m Scared it’s true
You carry me right through
So I release control
From my tired, weary soul

Bridge:
Fightin’ for so long for the Illusion of control
Longin’ for my heart to be free
When you led me down this long and lonesome road
You taught my weary heart to abdicate its throne

Chorus 3:
I delight in you
The weight of pride falls through
I can rest in you
Even when I cannot see
Though I’m Scared it’s true
You carry me right through
So I release control
From my tired, weary soul

Verse 3:
Now I’m gonna stay
Now I’m gonna stay
Safe in your arms

Fuller than before
Fuller than before
My heart filled with praise

Rescued from myself
Rescued from myself
Grace poured through pain

Now I am restored
Now I am restored
Hold me to your face.

One thought on “Releasing Control

Leave a Reply